Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Hold on. Take this instead. I was expecting more resistance.
Dr. Gregory House: That was the old me. New me is static-guarded and friction-free.
Dr. Gregory House: I feel like Mike Tomlin. Probably not as much as you do, but you get the idea.
Dr. Chris Taub: It's too hard to think?
James Sidas: No. Just unpleasant. No matter what I did, it really wasn't good enough. Then I met Dora. She didn't care how smart I was, or what I might accomplish in the future. It was the first time in my life that I was really happy. So I decided I'd rather be happy than smart.
Dr. Robert Chase: I know what you're trying to do, and I appreciate it. But I've got it under control.
Dr. Eric Foreman: That's what you said about the Dibala incident. Obviously you didn't.
Dr. Robert Chase: And talking about it made it so much better.
Dr. Chris Taub: Life's too short too worry about money.
Dr. Gregory House: There's only two possible outcomes for their relationship. They split or they stay together forever. If split, the sooner it happens the better for everyone. If stay, my meddling won't matter. In fact, if they survive it, it would make their bond stronger.
Dr. James Wilson: How you manage to elevate your narcissim to beneficence is masterful.
Dr. Remy Hadley: You gonna ask?
Dr. Chris Taub: I'm sure he's got a perfectly logical reason.
Dr. Gregory House: Can't be DIC, no hemorrhaging. And I'm calling all twelve Julia Cuddy's within a hundred mile radius.
Dr. Chris Taub: See? Completely reasonable.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm gonna pretend there's something interesting over here so you'd shut up.
Dr. Chris Taub: This isn't some homework assignment his parent forced on him. This is passion. Why would he stop doing it?
Dr. Robert Chase: Marriage destroyed his soul.
Dr. James Wilson: This cannot end well.
Dr. Gregory House: Don't want it to end well. You should come as my date. You're not gonna want to miss this.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: So which one of us slipped through the wormhole into an alternate dimension?
Dr. Gregory House: I have always loved to travel. And paint.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Either you're trying to screw with me. Or you're trying to show me that you've really changed.
Dr. Gregory House: So which is it? I'm dying to know.
Dr. Remy Hadley: What's with the ties?
Dr. Gregory House: Makes me look adorably non-threatening.
Dr. Gregory House: On the otherhand, Taub and Thirteen can do the liver biopsy today?
Dr. Chris Taub: Why us?
Dr. Gregory House: Juniority. Welcome back!
Dr. Robert Chase: What do you want us to do?
Dr. Gregory House: Same as me. Have a happy thanksgiving.
Dr. Gregory House: You are not right for her.
Lucas Douglas: And you are?
Dr. Gregory House: Less wrong.
Dr. Gregory House: She invited me. She didn't know if she should until she figured out if I really have changed or if I'm still the same old SOB I have always been. But she always gave me a chance. Eight hundred thirty two chances. I used up everyone of them. 832's her limit. Make a note.
Dr. Chris Taub: Chase, you had a wonderful Thanksgiving?
Dr. Robert Chase: I don't remember. So I guess I did.
Dr. Chris Taub: Got drunk? Alone?
Dr. Robert Chase: No. That would be a sign I need to talk to you about this.
Dr. Robert Chase: Why does everyone assume everyone works in the *exact* same way?
Dr. Remy Hadley: We pretty much do. Our egos want to think we're all snowflakes, no two alike. But really we all want the same thing: love, forgiveness... chocolate.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well what I want is for everyone to leave me alone. How do I get that?
Dr. Gregory House: I can't believe that Lucas fell for my "I never say this because it's so personal except I'm so drunk" profession of love... the second oldest trick in the book.
Dr. James Wilson: You're right. It's his fault because his stupid.
Dr. Gregory House: He wasn't abusing the booze and taking the cough remedy medicinally. He was abusing the cough meds taking the booze medicinally. Bravo.
James Sidas: I don't think I could live without her.
Dr. Gregory House: You'd be surprised what you could live without.
James Sidas: You what the difference between her IQ and mine is? 91 points. In relation, she's closer to a gibbon than she is to me. Having sex with her would be an act of bestiality.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You really think you'd be happier with someone who could spell better?
James Sidas: No. That's the problem. I'm the one who's a jerk. But I owe her everything. I want to want to be with her. And when I'm clear... I can't.
Ronnie: Is the wait always this long?
Dr. Gregory House: Only on days that end in "day".
Ronnie: Don't you ever shave?
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, once a week. How about you?
Ronnie: Every now and then, are you this rude to all your patients.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh yes! Don't think your special.
Dr. Gregory House: Sorry, I can't remember if I mocked you yet for being a male nurse?
Nurse Jeffrey: I think this counts.
Dr. Gregory House: Fair enough.
Dr. Chris Taub: That's what this is about? You think I'm a wuss?
Dr. Chris Taub: He made you miss Thanksgiving dinner.
Dr. Gregory House: Sorry to inconvenience you. Dying patients can be so thoughtless.
Dr. Chris Taub: Don't....
Dr. Gregory House: Great comeback! Is that Oscar Wilde? Come on people...
Dr. Gregory House: What about you? Got any predicatable dribble you'd like to add?
Dr. Robert Chase: I think they've given you enough already.
Dr. Gregory House: Well at least they're trying. They're not just sitting there like roadkill. Give me something! Give me something or I'll get your ex-smarter half on the phone and ask her!
Dr. Eric Foreman: House.
[Chase walks onto House and punches him across the face.]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I heard. Gonna be pressing charges?
Dr. Gregory House: Against the ottoman I tripped over?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Against Chase?
Dr. Gregory House: Pretty sure the ottoman was acting alone.
James Sidas: It's lonely, isn't it?
Dr. Gregory House: It's not that bad.
James Sidas: Then you're not that smart.
James Sidas: Easier on your conscience if I die an idiot?
Dr. Gregory House: What's a conscience?
Dr. Gregory House: Sixteen splenectomies. Pretty sure he gets a set of steak knives.
Dr. Gregory House: Guess I deserved it.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, if I thought that, I wouldn't be apologizing.
Dr. Gregory House: Your fist slipped?
Dr. Robert Chase: Everyone kept bugging me. Asking if I was okay.
Dr. Gregory House: So you busted my nose to keep people off your back?
Dr. Robert Chase: Pretty much.
Dr. Gregory House: Making people even more worried about you.
Dr. Robert Chase: Maybe, but at least they're not talking to me about it.
Dr. Gregory House: ...Fair enough.
Dr. Robert Chase: Cheers.
Dr. Chris Taub: Einstein's giving himself the lobotomy and you're cool with that?
Dr. Gregory House: Ignorance is bliss.
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